Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
On Friday, Blake's kindergarten class had a special afternoon just for the moms. I was lucky enough to go and be part of it and it was truly a great experience. Sometimes as a mom I get bogged down with wondering if I'm doing enough, if my kids are going to be good, kind people and if there is more I can do (there always is which is very stressful for me). Blake and I aren't super close, that position belongs to Joe. Blake and Joe are pretty inseparable and I love it, but I do wish Blake and I had a relationship like that. The afternoon in his class was all the uplifting I needed to keep going on this motherhood journey and know that I am trying, and while I am far from perfect, I'm perfect for my kids.
So on Mother's Day, I tried not to think about all that I am failing at or those things that I want to change. But instead I thought of this sweet little boys answer to why he loves his mom and it made all the difference.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
A little over a year ago I was assigned to visit teach (a part of our church where we look after certain women and help them with any needs they may have) Melanie. At the time we were both pregnant with our 3rd child. We bonded and got along great. Shortly after her daughter was born it became clear that some things weren't right. Her daughter had some surgeries and went through an extraordinary amount of pain and hospital visits. I remember sitting with Melanie while she went home without her daughter and had to continuously make it to the hospital to see her. At the time Melanie told me how thankful she was that I was her visiting teacher because I had been through something similar with Kalli; I understood what it meant to have my baby in the hospital, to undergo surgery and deal with the aftermath. She had told me that if it were anybody else, they would be loving of course but they wouldn't understand. I truly believe that, I knew what she was going through, if only in a small way.
Her daughter was finally released after quite a while and all seemed to be going well. Then she was told that her daughter was deaf, but Melanie being as extraordinary as she is, took it in stride and worked her hardest to learn sign language and help her daughter in all her capacity. Then things got really good for awhile.
Last Saturday I got the message that Melanie had taken her daughter in to the hospital and it resulted in a 5 hour emergency surgery that saved her life. I promptly set up to come to the hospital and visit her, bring her treats, movies, books. Being in that hospital room with sweet Melanie and her amazingly resilient daughter brought back a flood of memories from when Kalli was in the hospital. There is nothing like seeing your sweet baby hooked up to so many wires and machines. There is no more helpless feeling than seeing that baby and knowing you can't do anything to make them better. As I sat talking with Melanie I told her how happy I am that she has such love and support with her. People in our church are begging (begging!) to help out Melanie's family in any way they can. When this happened to Kalli we barely had a support system. Nobody but Joe, his mom and my mom were there to help on the home front and at the hospital. I remember feeling so lonely and completely disconnected.
This week has been quite emotional as all I can think about is Melanie and her family. Each day I find some way to help them out, whether it's visiting the hospital, making dinner, calling someone to bring the family snacks at the hospital. I completely have a testimony that we're assigned certain people to visit teach, that it comes from the Lord. Sometimes we don't know why but others, like Melanie, I know why I'm doing it. And to be honest, it's not all for Melanie. I've learned so much from visiting with Melanie each month.